Disclaimer: This whole list is based on my own opinions and experiences!
January: Naughty
January is the spokesperson for the naughty list. Exams, deadlines, you name it, January’s got it. After extensive research, I have only come across one upside to this gloomy month: National Bean Day on January 6th. I encourage you to get your legume on instead of remembering what happened last January 6th!
February: Naughty
Stuck in between winter and Spring Break, February is a true fever dream. Besides Lip Sync and a snow day once every three years, there’s nothing compelling about this month. Puxatawny Phil re-emerges to remind you that Groundhog Day still exists for some reason. But you keep your head up because spring is just around the corner, right?
March: Naughty
Wrong. Spring sports begin, but it’s still 30 degrees outside, causing you to wonder why it was 70 degrees on Christmas and not now. The trek to spring break seems agonizing, but at least you can have a Shamrock Shake to help you through it.
April: Nice
Things start to heat up in April. It’s officially time to switch from Lorde’s Melodrama album to Solar Power. With Field Day and Senior Spirit Day, the end of April marks the beginning of the end (in a great way!)
May: Nice
What is there not to love about May? May is like Midsommar without all of the horrifying parts. The world is finally green again. Once you turn in that last essay or problem set, you’re free to kick off summer! Woohoo!
June: Nice
June reigns superior as the best month, and that is not up for debate. It’s warm and sunny but not quite muggy enough for the mosquitos to commence their rampage. Textbooks and worksheets get tucked away, not to be seen again for another three months. Most people haven’t even printed their math packets. Life is good.
July: Nice
By July, everyone has settled into their summer groove. The world smells like sunscreen and watermelon and looks like Katy Perry’s “This Is How We Do” music video. As if this month isn’t great enough already, National Moth Week falls on the last week in July!
August: Naughty
Sorry! Unpopular opinion! Walking outside in August feels like walking through soup. Mosquitos gnaw at your arms and legs at every opportunity. The math packet and required reading that you so blissfully ignored in June and July come back to haunt you while you try to survive preseason. To make matters worse, your social media feed reads, “I’ll miss you summer <3” and “My face when I realize we have school next week #byebyesummer.”
September: Nice
Though September is technically the first month of fall, it’s more or less an extension of summer. School is in its honeymoon phase. The entire first week is filled with “getting to know you!” surveys and syllabus reviews. It feels good to be back on campus.
October: Naughty
The honeymoon phase has worn off. Panic sets in as you realize you’re in this for the long haul - Eight more months to go. Though this is a daunting thought, there are still many upsides to October. Pumpkin-spiced anything is available anywhere, and fall is just beginning.
November: Naughty
It’s officially cold out, and half of the student body is complaining about how their summer tan has completely faded. Your emotional state is so fragile that you find yourself being mad about Jake Gyllenhaal stealing Taylor Swift’s scarf 10 years ago. You yearn for the silver lining of this month that is Thanksgiving Break.
December: Nice
December can only mean one thing: holiday fever. Mariah Carey’s career is resurrected once again (until the morning of the 26th). Mass consumerism sweeps the nation. The year comes to an end with a rewarding rush of dopamine, all to catapult you back into the January doldrums.
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