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  • Isabel Beariault

Cows are Incredibly Talented. Period.

Cows honestly are the best animals that exist. They are sweet, gentle and multi-talented. I used to live in Switzerland, and if you know anything about Switzerland, you will know that it has its fair share of cows. Pseudo-statistically, cows fill about 80% of green pastures in the mountains of Switzerland, so any time you decide to go on a hike, you will most likely encounter a cow.

How are cows multi-skilled? Let me explain.

Cows are bulky and heavy, so they are not often preyed upon by other animals. They have extremely long tongues and seven amazing stomachs that can digest even the smallest grass fibers. Male cows also have horns for defense. One of the most impressive skills of a cow is its swimming ability. Yes, cows can actually swim. (Wait! Can you not do something that even a cow can do? Check out my last post to learn how to swim.) Cows also have hooves that come in handy in mountainous areas. Cows can even sleep standing up. Do I need to keep going, or are you already convinced of a cow’s limitless talents?

Despite their many talents, cows have one negative quality: they are full of themselves. Cows rightfully acknowledge their many skills and love receiving attention or recognition for these talents. About five years ago, I was hiking with my family in the mountains and stopped to have a picnic on a small rock. A cow quickly spotted us and walked over to see what business we had on its property. The cow was standing uncomfortably close to where we were trying to eat our sandwiches, so we tried to shoo it away. Cows, however, aren’t ones to be pushed around, so the cow shook its head and stayed put. We were honestly quite scared of having such a large animal stand so close to us. We tried a few more passive aggressive methods to make the cow leave with no success. Finally, two older Swiss farmers walked over to us. They petted the cow and whispered in to its ear that it was the prettiest, sweetest cow there was. I watched these two grown men kiss up to the cow, thinking that their method would be just as unsuccessful as ours. However, after only a couple minutes, the cow walked away. As the farmers were leaving, they advised us that cows love to be complimented.

Despite their one character flaw, cows should be able to feel entitled to be full of themselves. Take their black and white spots for instance. Black and white are probably the most classic colors there are. Also, cows, like humans, are unique. Each cow has a different pattern of spots, creating a diverse population. Unlike humans, however, there is no racism or any other negative feelings amongst the cow population, and they all live in harmony in a common field of grass. Cows live a simple life, spending most of their time eating or sleeping (what could be better?!). There are no complications or worries except deciding which blades of grass to eat next. This simple lifestyle without capitalistic materialism is one that we, humans should strive for.

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