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  • Isabel Beariault

Humans Are Like Waffles

Humans are different: some are optimistic, some are ignorant, while some are emotional. However, every human existence starts and ends in the same way. Death, the one shared experience of the humanity, can also vary greatly from peaceful to painful. Life is rich with choices and diversities. This large variety makes humans often too complex to summarize. Nevertheless, after much contemplation, I concluded that humans are identical to waffles.

A waffle starts, just like a human, with ingredients mixed together in a unique way (what up, AP Bio Sexual Reproduction!). The batter is put in a waffle maker to be shaped and cooked. Similarly, a child is shaped into his or her own person, different from everyone else. The waffle is then taken out of the waffle maker, fresh and warm, much like a teenager stepping into adulthood. The unique shape of a waffle reflects the individuality of everyone’s physical appearance. Some waffles are square; some are circular; some are triangular; some are uncommonly-shaped. However, almost all waffles have ridges and indentations. Similarly, almost all humans share similar facial features. The development and formation of a waffle is identical to that of a human.

A waffle can be eaten with a variety of toppings. Maple syrup is a popular topping that brings out happiness in many people. Butter on waffle is an analogy for human sadness and slippery tears because butter is salty yet superficial. Other topping analogies include whipped cream, soft yet strong human; fruit, a nature-oriented human; sprinkles, flamboyant people who regularly display their wealth; and no topping, a human who chooses to live his or her life simply.

Moreover, there are many ways to eat a waffle. Cheerful and enthusiastic people tear it enthusiastically into different pieces. Emotional humans often bite into their waffles without cutting them. You can even cut it with a knife and a fork like a thoughtful, serious human (the only right way in my book).

However, even after the long, personal journey, a waffle always ends up in one of two places: the sewer or the land-fill. This is exactly like a human. In a human’s later life, he or she will most likely embark on a personal journey on a quest to understand the meaning of life. A waffle also travels a personal journey either into the landfill or through the digestive system of a human to the toilet to the sewer. Humans will then either end up in the equivalent of heaven or hell (depending on your religion), just like a waffle will end up in either the sewer or the land-fill. There are, of course, some exceptions: some waffles might be eaten by animals and will consequently end up on the floor of a park, street or another part of the earth. Similarly, some humans do not believe in a religion and will end up wherever their absence of religion may lead them.

The evidence I have presented should, I hope, show you how the life of humans is almost indistinguishable from the journey of a waffle. From birth to death, we resemble waffles. I conclude by saying that although we may see ourselves as a superior species, above all other animals and plants, we are nothing more than a waffle awaiting its fate.

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